Wednesday, January 09, 2008

one-time offer

She hollered after me as I was walking out the office door this afternoon, on my way to check on another resident: "Look what I found--I thought I'd never find one of these!" I stopped and went back to hear about this exciting find--Was it a set of amazing Ginsu knives? Or maybe a special one-time-offer-only 43 compartment, key ring included patent leather pocketbook?
She held up a plastic tube that resembled a skinny umbrella case with a zipper. Ceremonially unzipping it, she whipped out a shiny plastic rod, holding it by its rubberized handle.
I smiled at her expectantly, waiting to be wowed and having absolutely no clue as to what exactly this gadget was . . .
Apparently anticipating my ignorance, she wheeled closer and launched into a salesman's pitch: "You see, it's for those of us who don't have such good mobility in our arms anymore. You put the paper through this notch--it tells you how in the instruction book--and then you reach down and . . .
[this is when I realized I hadn't seen everything yet, even in 5 months on the job]
. . . you wipe your *** with it.
She generously demonstrated the operation, even the "front" and "back" dual purpose, and then rolled around to find another recipient of her good tidings.
And I watched her wheel away, pondering my good fortune in the world of gadget introductions . . .


kel said...! Who knew? I certainly didn't. I wonder where one would purchase one of those? Know what? I don't want to know!

anna j said...

You sure you don't want to know? I think she would happily oblige if, when I get into work tomorrow, I ask for the purchasing info--who knows, it may even be on sale :-)