brooding

sometimes when i have too much time to think, i start brooding. i don't mind this, though--the melancholy thoughts come and go,but even when i am in the midst of melancholy brooding it doesn't bother me too much. i'd certainly much rather be sorrowful than to stop caring deeply about anything in life, as i think our culture promotes doing--stay busy, accumulate stuff, and you'll be distracted enough to never care too much to get too upset about or hurt by anything . . .unfortunately, as much as i wish i weren't, i'm as easily sucked into that mentality as the next person--unless i allow myself the time to slow down and think again. maybe that's why i don't mind a little bit of brooding; it keeps me from trying to be overly productive all the time :) i'm not sure why death has never bothered me, though, unless it's because i was dealing with it as such an early and formative time of my life--who knows. i really cannot remember ever being able to sympathize with the normally verbalized fear of dying. now this is certainly not to say that i have wished to die--i simply don't mind the thought of it . . .